Back on track

I had a long talk with DH last night about our family plans.  Lately I have been wondering if he really wants to keep going with the adoption process.  I guess you could say we are going through one of the down periods in the ups and downs of married life.  For us that means communication slows to a screeching halt and we find ourselves busy in opposite parts of the house when we are even home together at all.

Our down cycles usually end when I get tired of the lonliness and insist on a little one-on-one talk.  Hence, the talk last night.  DH reminded me that what we are feeling at any moment in this adoption process is very similar to the feelings that we went through in both pregnancies.  Sometimes we are anxious to get to the end and have our child in our arms.  At other times we wonder why on earth would we want another person to make demands of our already limited and fragile energies.  There are also times when the family is in tune with each other and we are cooperating well, and times when we are better off working individually.  When our child joins us he/she will add their own rhythym to this dynamic and can magnify or offset  our highest highs and our lowest lows.

All in all, DH is still very excited about adding a child to the family.  His biggest concern is his job.  He worries that somewhere down the line he will lose his job and will not be able to support the family.  I can sense that this is a very real worry for him.  I have noticed lately that he has been dwelling on similar worries, like that he isn't doing a good enough job at work and he isn't doing his best at home.  I tried to direct his focus back to God regarding all these worries.  I think lately DH has been feeling that these responsibilities are his burden alone.  He is forgetting that God is there to help. 

I think it is a common trap for all of us to think that we are alone in our responsibilities to work, family and the world.  It is easy to lose focus on how God wants to be integral to even our most mundane chores as well as our most lofty goals.  I know for me, my prayers sometimes become more of a cerebral effort.  I talk to God about many things but I don't ask very much of Him.  It's sort of like talking by phone to my parents several states away.  We may talk about what is going on in our lives.  I may tell them about the problems I am going through and will even listen to any advice they might offer.  Then we hang up the phone and i go off and still have to do the work myself.  it's not like they can really do anything to help since they are hundreds of miles away.

God isn't like that.  When He offers His help, He really wants to be right there next to me doing more than His share of the work.  Okay so that might not seem as much a burden to Him as my measly share of the job feels to me.  The point is, that I need to let Him help me and not struggle through the effort with such a narrow focus that I don't see Him there next to me.  Then my burden becomes much lighter and is trully manageable by me.  It helps to remember that God only gives me as much as I can handle.  He takes on the rest of the load.

Well, back to DH.  I tried to gently remind Him that God is there to lighten the load.  At first he was a little indignant that I was suggesting that he was neglecting his prayer life.  Quickly it dawned on him that God didn't want to be compartmentalized into just DH's prayer time.

It was a good talk.  I think we're back on track as far as the family goes.  It's funny how by lifting DH's spirits a bit, I have found more enery for my relationship with God too!